A LITTLE POLITICS ORIGINS OF THE CURRENT REACTION Throughout history, it has been the fate of every empire, from the greatest to the smallest, to either crumble or fade away. This is because empires are the product of governments, and - contrary to what certain interests would have us believe - governments are the product of men. Humans are imperfect, and no system devised by imperfect creatures can ever be perfect. That includes the United States of America. This innate imperfection inevitably breeds loopholes. And where there are loopholes, you don't have to wait very long before some individual or group comes along to exploit them. Today, thousands prosper in industries focused exclusively on finding and exploiting systemic loopholes. In the law, in regulation of trade and industry, and at the commanding heights of global finance, these mercenaries are handsomely rewarded for their work. This filthy lucre blinds the exploiters to the damage they wreak, and seduces ever more citizens to join in the exploitation trade. Eventually, the system itself is imperiled. Thanks to its Enlightenment principles, which blessed it with a robust and supple pragmatism, America has had a comparatively decent track record when it comes to dealing with systemic exploitation. More often than not, perilous exploits have been dealt with and dangerous loopholes have been closed. The evolutionary process of living up to the ideals set down in the Constitution continues, generation after generation, and for the most part, things change for the better. There are many examples of this. When, at the end of the 19th century, the shenanigans of Civil War profiteers and industrialist robber barons threatened to usher in a new dawn of unchecked private power, President Theodore Roosevelt "busted the trusts" and introduced his progressive Square Deal. Many of the "captains of industry" who were the targets of these reforms later went on to become great patriots and sincere philanthropists. Unfortunately, "laissez faire" economics made a comeback within a generation. The results were predictably disastrous. The stock market collapsed, banks failed, foreclosures skyrocketed, and life savings disappeared overnight. People were literally starving in America. Against an intense onslaught of establishment outrage, Franklin Delano Roosevelt campaigned on an activist, New Deal platform. The broad democratic support he enjoyed was not enough to prevent the American aristocratic elite - who considered Roosevelt a traitor to his class - from attempting to oust him in a paramilitary coup. They wanted to install a leader more in line with Hitler, who - in the early part of his career - had impressed American conservatives with his bold, dynamic leadership and his instinctual understanding of the natural hierarchy of men. The success of Roosevelt's New Deal and Keynesian economics combined with the monstrous blossoming of European fascism to send American conservatives scurrying for the shadows. There, the few remaining right-wingers not shamed into admitting the error of their ways gave birth to the modern conservative movement that now threatens the world. Five books, dubbed "the conservative Pentateuch" by political scholar Ted McAllister, form the core, foundational documents of this movement. They are Richard Weaver's ironically titled Ideas Have Consequences, Natural Right and History by Leo Strauss, The New Science of Politics by Eric Voegelin, The Conservative Mind by Russell Kirk, and Robert Nisbet's The Quest for Community. All were written during conservatism's mid-century nadir. Today, after a half-century of evolution, the conservative movement is a broad coalition of absolutist ideologues and their respective devotees. That these disparate groups work so well together is astonishing, considering their often contradictory beliefs. Machiavellian neoconservatives and their corporatist underwriters walk hand in hand with wild-eyed Reconstructionists and Armageddonists, heedless of intellectual and/or spiritual inconsistencies. Each faction, in turn, is comprised of smaller factions. It's a mad stew of counterintuition. And yet, all differences are set aside when they gather in think tank boardrooms to hammer out their plots and plans. Of course, each faction believes it has all the others under its cunning control. These multiple alliances of convenience are pragmatic only in defense of their unbending absolutism, and the only belief they all have in common is that democracy - the idea that a government's power is only legitimately exercised insofar as it relates to the informed consent of the governed - is a perverse mockery of "natural law." Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY June 30 On this day in 1908, a gigantic, gaseous fireball slams into the Siberian tundra at Tunguska, leveling trees for thousands of square miles. Some folks claim the incident was actually a UFO crash-landing, while others believe the explosion was caused by a small asteroid. As for yer old pal Jerky, he believes the devastation was caused by the accidental ignition of the world's biggest vodka still. On this day in 1974, in New York, petty thief Peter Leonard starts a fire in an unocupied store to cover up a burglary. That fire quickly spreads to Gulliver's, a nearby popular nightclub. Twenty-four people are incinerated in the resulting inferno. OOPS! The so-called Night of the Long Knives took place on this day in 1934. Himmler, Goering and Goebbels convince Hitler that he needs to get rid of Ernst Roehm, who controlled the 3 million-strong Sturm Abteilung brownshirt militia, without which Hitler probably would not have been able to seize power in Germany in the first place. Roughly 400 Nazi party members, including Roehm, are killed in the purge, which is only revealed to the German public half a month later. July 1 On this day in 1862, the United States Congress passes a law which makes polygamy a crime. Thankfully, screwing around behind your wife's back remains perfectly legal, if risky. On this day in 1867, the Dominion of Canada is forged from the provinces of New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Ontario and Quebec. So wash down a bacon sandwich and a plate of poutine with a bottle of Moosehead. Or don't. It's entirely up to you. On this day in 1899, the Gideon Society is established with the stated goal of getting a bunch of crazy Christian folks to sneak a copy of the Holy Frickin' Bible into every hotel room in the land, in the hopes that doing so will guarantee their ascent into heaven after they die… the poor, deluded fools. On this day in 1971, after decades of payments on the installment plan, San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge is finally and officially all paid off! And yet, you still have to pay a toll to cross it. Where is the outrage, I ask you? WHERE'S THE OUTRAGE!?! On this day in 1987, President Ronald Reagan nominates right-wing extremist Robert Bork for the Supreme Court of the land. Thank Godzilla the Democratic-controlled Senate had the good sense to reject this bug-eyed reactionary freak, even though it gave the Republicans another reason to squeal like the worthless fucking pigs that they are, and turned his last name into a verb. "Bork! Bork! Bork!" On this day in 1997, England hands Hong Kong over to the communist Chinese, on a date which had been agreed to decades before. And yet it still kinda felt like a military loss. July 2 On this day in 1937, an over-ambitious Amelia Earhart disappears over the Pacific ocean while attemtping to be the first woman to circumnavigate the globe, inadvertantly proving once and for all that chicks have no sense of direction. On this day in 1950, the Ed Wood science fiction classic Plan 9 From Outer Space debuts in a single Hollywood theater. One of the worst films ever made, it still beats the hell out of Battlefield Earth. July 3 On this day in the year 1969, Rolling Stone guitarist Brian Jones drowns in his pool. When told about the tragedy, Keith Richards reportedly said: "Brian who?" On this day in 1971, Jim Morrison - frontman and founder of The Doors - dies of heart failure in a bathtub in Paris. Tragically, fussy Parisians take his death as a confirmation of the long-held superstition that bathing can kill you. On this day in 1939, baseballer Lou Gehrig makes his "luckiest man alive" speech at Yankee Stadium. This, despite the fact that he was suffering from Lou Gehrig's Disease, which would soon take his life. Imagine, dying of a disease whose name you share! What are the frickin' odds?! On this day in 1982, uber-lezbo Martina Navratilova defeats the really quite plain looking Chris Evert Lloyd at Wimbeldon. At the time, this was seen as a really big deal, for some reason. July 4 On this day in 1966, after making sure to destroy all the documents linking him to President Kennedy's assasination, President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Freedom of Information Act. On this day in 1826, second American President John Adams and third American President Thomas Jefferson both pass on to that big White House in the sky. Exactly five years later, in the year 1831, fifth American President James Monroe also dies. Timing your death to coincide with the fourth of July? Talk about PATRIOTISM!!! On this day in 1054, in a corner of the dark night sky, there is a bright white flowering. It shines for 23 days. The people of that era have no way to know that it is their privilege to be watching that rarest of cosmic spectacles: the death of a star. The super-nova actually happened 6000 years prior to its being witnessed by human eyes. Today, the resulting cloud of post-collapse debris is known as the Crab Nebula. On this day in 1888 - in the hot and dusty burg of Prescott, Arizona - the first ever organized rodeo competition is held. Unfortunately, videotape didn't exist at the time, so we can only experience Billy-Joe Tuller's horrific, 15 minute goring at the horns of Sir Stomps-a-Lot through eye-witness accounts. On this day in 1988, the United States navy shoots down an Iran Air jetliner over the Persian Gulf, killing all 290 (civilian) people on board. Oops!

THEY SAID IT! "The Supreme Court on Thursday dealt the Bush administration a stinging rebuke, declaring in Hamdan vs. Rumsfeld that military commissions for trying terrorist suspects violate both US military law and the Geneva Convention. But the real blockbuster in the Hamdan decision is the court's holding that Common Article 3 of the Geneva Convention applies to the conflict with al-Qaeda - a holding that makes high-ranking Bush administration officials potentially subject to prosecution under the federal War Crimes Act." - Los Angeles Times writer Rosa Brooks asks all the right questions to make yer old pal Jerky's dick get hard. *** **** *** "He had really been on me lately criticizing me for things -- the way I walk, I eat, everything. It was just building up to a point. I was tired of it. I guess I got to a point and snapped." - Mary Winkler explains why she killed her husband, pastor Matthew Winkler, at their "Church of Christ" parsonage in Selmer, Tennessee.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by Jim Eby! A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets in, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Fieldman.. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time." Passenger: "Yeah. But there are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Frank, he was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an Opera baritone, danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano." Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a mind like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat with? He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out." Passenger: "Wow, some incredible guy!" Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me. I always seem to get stuck in them." Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around." Cabbie: And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. And he's never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank." Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?" Cabbie: "I married his widow! *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal PD6 for sending in today's second joke. A drunk man, who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of booze was sticking out of his coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked. "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; too much alcohol; contempt for your fellow man; sleeping around with prostitutes; and lack of bathing." The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does." WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Dave on Dope... During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship, and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something - at least they would die laughing. So the navigator went down and said to the crew: "What would you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick against the table?" The crew burst laughing. So the navigator pulled his dick out and hammed it on the table; just when the dick hit the table, a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were the captain and the navigator. As they floated around in a lifeboat captain asked the navigator: "Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?" The navigator told him, and the captain replied: "Well, you better be careful with that dick of yours. The torpedo missed!"

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: RAMDON COMMENTS ABOUT RANDOM CRAP care of: Mr. Finally Jerky, Life in general has been keeping me away from The Dirt lately. New house, moving, wife's new job and a full range of horseshit that goes with it all has had my nuts tightened in a vise. All that being said, I have to throw something into the center ring of the last bullshit-free zone. I heard about the news of the (alleged) Supreme Court "reigning in" one instance of Dubya's doing "what-ever-the-fuck-he-wants-to-do." But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the American people were once again duped. The only thing that occurred here was that Dubya has been forced to include Congress in the matters pertaining to "enemy combatants" (or whatever flashy ambiguous bullshit moniker The Powers That Be has labeled their guests at Gitmo). In other words, it has grown to an even further-fetched pig fucking. I call it placating the watery bowelled fence riding moderates. About The Miami Seven (plus or minus whatver), I dunno Jerky... these guys seem like they would have a hard time assulting the playground at the local McDonald's. I think the FBI are trying to pull something out of their collective asses to boost the "conservative cause" for the November elections. Star Jones vs. The View (B. Walters et al.): I think that the media, combined with our society's insatiable hunger for useless and moronic horseshit, has beat this dead horse too much with the second flail of the whip. "She said - She said" crap has gotten dull and boring. I dont know which is worse: the fact that I know too much about all this or that every news outlet has ran this turd of a story as their opener? The IRS going After Pimps and Hos for not paying taxes: Another fine example of the Powers That Be ignoring real issues and serious crime problems just to placate the bible beating, missionary-position-only, cuss word-counting ultra conservative jerkoffs. These times are getting more wierd and a hell of a lot more scary with each passing moment. Keep the faith and keep it rolling. You are in my prayers to Godzilla... Be Good. Mr Finally [Welcome back, Mr Finally. - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! Dear Mr. Jerky... I'm confused. Over two years ago you published a letter I wrote in which I was complaining about the fact that Homeland Security was monitoring every dollar coming into the United States over $50,000. I complained because we were attempting to bring in money from an overseas investment bank. I outlined the fact that we had to go through all this Homeland Security regamorole and how there was a "notation" on our Homeland Security "clearance" because my would-be wife had been 'flagged' for writing letters 'detrimental to the Bush Administration'. (The letters, written to the white house, were always polite and well written... but yes... they were detrimental.) I don't expect you to remember that letter and I'm too damned lazy to try and go thru every past Dirt to link to that letter, but I do remember your comment, you asked me for a loan. (Always the smartass.) But my point is this... if I, Joe Blow Schmuck, knew Homeland Security was monitoring these money transfers over two years ago... where's the secret? Why has Bush got his panties in a bunch over that NYT article? Don't you think the Terrorists already knew we were doing that? Cheer, Andy S. [Not to mention the fact that he repeatedly bragged about the money-tracking program. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey, Pal, some time in the past month, you made reference to "widow's son", at which time, I didn't know what it meant. I know now that it's the mason's "panic button". I would like to read that comment again and research the full story, but I couldn't find it in the archives or at least I didn't see it when I looked. Help a brother out, please, if you wouldn't mind and point me to the comment or remind me what it was in reference to. And one more thing, I detest being rude, but is there any way you can get that stupid bitch in the archives to shut the fuck up?!!! YOPG [It's in the 'on this day' section of this Dirt. Sorry about the Archive chick. I hate her, too, but it's out of my hands. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; We were warned about the military complex and the government. If you piss someone off they will try to get even. No one these days forgives. You will forget until you can get even. I say this cause "lord knows how many times I've said I'll forgive" and the first time I get the chance "I'll fuck you over in a heart beat". This country thrives on war. make them hate you and you'll always need to "lets say defend yourself". And you'll need WMD and they need WMD and this thing called government will need more of your freedom to deal with the threat. Mean time we the average Joe gets screwed, screwed, screwed, and more screwed. In no time we won't have a way to defend ourselves from either one. Hope America wakes the fuck up. YOP odinski [Yes, it's a vicious circle. Perhaps things will improve after we retreat into the unquestioning comfort of a New Dark Age. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky; Those star pics kinda make one feel useless and all alone, don't they? C the D [They make me wanna go bowling! - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky, Just wanted to wish you and your fellow countrymen happy 'American Independence Day'. Jeez, that's an oxymoron if ever there was one. Cheers, Santa in NZ [Cheers! - Jerky] *** **** *** Yo, Jerkster: How can you compare Korgoth of Barbaria to the works of Frank Frazetta? That's an insult to one of the Great Masters of fantasy art. Korgoth was OK if you're into that Splash A Lot Of Blood Around And Go For The Quick & Easy Buck sort of shit, combined with fratboy big boob videogame fantasies. At least it wasn't Anime, thank God, but decent, well-done American animation. Those cheap Japanese toons are totally unwatchable, in my opinion. But to compare Korgoth to Frank Frazetta is like comparing a Robert Crumb comic to the art of Rowena Morrill. It just ain't in the same league, dude. Jessie [I said it was like Frazetta as filtered through Mad Magazine. Korgoth pays hommage to the SPIRIT of Frazetta. And if you don't think Frazetta was into big boobs and splashing blood, you've missed out on a lot of his work! - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky, I have never written to you before. I have been following the DD for a good many years. It has been aggravating and tear-jerking at times and funny as hell other times. Keep us informed! We need all the help we can obtain. Sadly, the state of America lies in the hands of Americans. It appears more people are pissed about Rosie coming onboard of The View and Star Jones being screwed over by Miss Walters and ABC than President Bush doing anything he wants without regard for the law. It is pretty clear to me that American priorities are really screwed up. On the AOL blogs, four times as many people believe that the Rosie and Star issue is important than a moron destroying our country. Signed, A very concerned American [Well, you know, that's AOL for ya. - Jerky]

Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: feedback@dailydirt.com